


Gratuitous French (and a Nickelback Song)

by misura



Category: Myron Bolitar - Harlan Coben
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 17:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10904295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: "Wowzers.""That's what they all say," Win said.





	Gratuitous French (and a Nickelback Song)

"Wowzers."

"That's what they all say," Win said.

"Damn. I was hoping to be original."

"Alas."

"I'm sure there was a time when I was hip. Ahead of the crowd. Everyone else was still saying 'wow', but already, I knew 'wowzers' was going to be it. The new 'wow'. The difference an extra syllable can make. And now this."

Win shrugged. Win was never overly concerned with his own hipness.

In truth, neither was Myron, but when it came to his conversational slang, he tried to keep up. He told himself it was part of the job. Hard to convince an up-and-coming starlet to sign up with you when you sounded like their grandparents or, worse, their parents.

"Next, you're going to tell me that there's no special merit badge for being bisexual."

"You're not bisexual," Win said. "You were lonely and horny, so you reached out to the person most likely to be able to provide a solution to both. Namely, _moi_."

"You make it sound so cold." Myron would not have used adjectives like 'lonely' and 'horny'. At the very least, he'd have broken out the adverbs. 'Desperately lonely'. 'Not particularly horny'. 'Craving some friendly intimate human contact', maybe, if he'd also broken out the nouns and verbs.

"What's cold about it? For once in your life, you did the smart thing."

" 'For once in my life'? Come on."

"Smart is what you are," Win said, stretching lazily. Possibly also suggestively, but possibly not. "As a rule, though, it's not what you do."

"I don't agree."

"You don't have to agree. It's a fact."

Myron considered arguing that 'smart' was subjective. What was smart to one person might look dumb to another one. It was all a matter of perspective.

Take his ... rendez-vous with Win, for example. Some people might think he was an idiot to risk a friendship of many years for the sake of some sex. Even if the sex was wowzers.

Four, five weeks from now, he might look back at this moment and tell himself that this was where it had all gone wrong. The beginning of the end. He'd weep bitter yet manly tears, but it would be too late. Their friendship would be over.

"Is this some sort of reverse-sweet-talking?"

Win's expression was faintly pained. Very faintly. "I thought you wanted to have a serious discussion about your flaws and the reason why your relationships never last."

"Your theory is that I'm an idiot?"

"Everyone's an idiot. You're special. Different."

Myron's turn to look pained. "Most people, when they use words like that, are either lying or trying to spare someone's feelings."

"You have feelings?" Win's face suggested surprise. "But we just had sex. I am uncomfortable considering the people I sleep with to have feelings. You know that."

Myron didn't think Win was uncomfortable considering the feelings of others. He simply chose not to.

"Anyway, I think I'm a pretty regular guy. Normal. An average Joe." Myron thought he might have enjoyed having a name like Joe. Or Dan, maybe. Eric, even. Perhaps Robert, although then people might have shortened his name to 'Bob'. Myron didn't think he'd have enjoyed going through life as 'Bob Bolitar'. "Sexier, of course. More charming. A smokin' hot bod."

"Modest, too."

Myron nodded, just as glad to be back on familiar ground. "The whole package."

"And still single."

Well. That answered one question Myron hadn't felt terribly inclined to ask anyway. "Tragic."

"Or maybe single again? It's been how many girlfriends in the past years?"

As if Win was one to talk about numbers. Of course, to Win, they weren't girlfriends. Just ... girls. Women? Myron wasn't sure what the PC term was. He didn't think Win did, either. Likely as not, Win didn't even remember their names.

"All this awesomeness is a lot to handle."

"Hiding your deep inner pain behind a facade of flippant humor. Attractive."

"Seeking my salvation in meaningless sex," Myron agreed. "Classic."

"Drowning your sorrow in drink. Looking for comfort at the bottom of every Yoo-Hoo bottle."

"I'm sure someone wrote a song about that," Myron said. "Maybe Nickelback?"

"Never heard of them." Win stretched some more. Myron wondered if he was supposed to say something here, or maybe join in. Did people need to stretch after having gay sex and had nobody yet told Myron because he'd been a member of the Straight-and-Proud club before, rather than the Not-Straight-and-Proud one? Was there a secret handshake he was going to have to learn?

Was he, belatedly, having a bit of a freak-out?

"Problem?"

"I think I just realized we had sex," Myron said. He'd read somewhere that honesty was the key to any good relationship. In his experience, that often wasn't true. You just had to pick your lies and truths carefully. A little bit of truth went a long way.

"So much for that 'wowzers'."

"It seemed the polite thing to say."

"Good manners. What a turn-on."

"And you thought it was all about my pretty face."

Win considered. "I've seen prettier. But then, I usually prefer women."

Another question Myron hadn't been sure how to ask answered. "Again with the sweet-talking."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Myron said, a little too quickly.

"You tell me."

"I'm going to be okay." Myron tried to sound convincing, like he believed it himself.

Win arched an immaculate eyebrow but he didn't push the issue. "Ready to go again, then?"

"Already?" Myron protested. "I thought we'd get some sleep. I do need to work tomorrow, you know."

"Words are inadequate to express my crushing disappointment."

"All part of my charm offensive. Always leave them wanting more, that's my motto."

"Small wonder you always get dumped by your girlfriends. You might as well say your motto is to never leave them satisfied."

"Honestly, I'm melting. Like putty in your hands."

Win frowned. "I don't think you can actually melt putty."

"Maybe if you put it in an oven?"

"Maybe." Win's expression was dubious. "Regarding our plans for the immediate future, how does breakfast in bed sound? You can take the morning off. I'll deal with Esperanza."

"Non-fatally?"

"Probably. She might hug me when I tell her the good news."

"Over the phone?"

"Not all of us have employees who can do a better job doing our jobs than we can ourselves."

"Partners," Myron corrected.

"Even better."

"I suppose it might be a good experience for her. Get a taste of what it's like without me around to make the tough calls, the hard decisions."

"A blast from the past. A harkening back to the good old days."

"Plus, I suppose it would be cruel to deny you another shot at this perfect ass."

"I wouldn't say 'perfect'."

"Ah, but you're thinking it, aren't you? And everyone knows it's the thought that counts."


End file.
